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Author Topic: Deciding whether children should visit....anyone with suggestions???  (Read 4451 times)

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Offline cem31

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Re: Deciding whether children should visit....anyone with suggestions???
« Reply #20 on: February 22, 2018, 11:13:15 PM »
I think it really depends on the facility and their specific policies. My husband is in Lincoln and I've seen newborns come to visit, seen dads holds their baby pretty much the whole visit, feed the baby and all, just not changing diapers. Once he goes to his parent facility you can always call and speak with them regarding their policy on your husband holding your son, most facilities will be upfront and let you know.

Congratulations on the new addition to your family, I'm so sorry to see that you have to go thru this IDOC journey at such a joyous time in both of your lives. I applaud you for wanting to make sure your husband is in your son's life, you are very correct when you said if you don't keep your child from becoming a statistic who will, I feel the same way. My husband went to prison when his son was 3 and his daughter was 2, he had not seen either one of them since they were 1 yr old. I made it my business to contact the mother's early in his sentence so that they could see their dad. I have been getting his son on a regular basis for the last 6 yrs...in the beginning driving over 12 hours roundtrip once or twice a month...and making sure they talk by phone on a regular basis just to ensure he knows his dad. My husband cried the first time he heard his son's voice 6 yrs ago, he was 4 at time. I'm still working on his daughter's mom, that one is a bit different situation.

 The visits, calls, letters, and pictures bring the guys so much joy and keeps them mentally on the outside with us, not in there with all that they have to deal with on a daily basis. Your husband having you and your son in his corner thru this journey is exactly what he needs to make his time fly by and be easier for you all. Happy trails to you, you found a great support system here on IPT to help you thru this time!!

Offline trauma4us

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Re: Deciding whether children should visit....anyone with suggestions???
« Reply #21 on: February 23, 2018, 05:46:34 AM »
While it is good for the father to have contact with his children, for myself (I'm the Grandmother), it is more important that it be a good experience for the child. My son was in his son's life on a daily basis and they had a pre-incarceration strong relationship.  And...he was 7 when his father committed his crime and was arrested. My grandson visited in the tiny, rural jail for six months on a weekly basis and then when his Dad went to prison, he has continued to visit at least once, sometimes twice/month for the last 4.5 years.

We talk with our grandson a lot about the visits and he is fully aware that he doesn't HAVE to go, only if he WANTS to go. It is not the best environment for children even in the minimum security prison where my son is - there are people swearing, sometimes yelling at each other, sometimes other things going on that I don't want my grandson to think are normal activities in public. He is not allowed to talk with the other children present and must sit still for the visit. Where my son is, the inmates are not allowed to hold their children, even the infants - they used to be a few years ago but no longer.  My grandson is allowed a hug and kiss at beginning and end.

It is a very individual decision and you have to consider the age of the kids as well as whether they WANT to see their father. And...then realize that sometimes they might not want to see their father, because its hard on these older kids to see their father in prison.  We strive to make the visits pleasant but we do keep them to two-four hours and we let our grandson determine the visit time.

Its so individual...best wishes.

Offline HisWife1122

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Re: Deciding whether children should visit....anyone with suggestions???
« Reply #22 on: March 18, 2018, 06:19:47 PM »
I think it really depends on the facility and their specific policies. My husband is in Lincoln and I've seen newborns come to visit, seen dads holds their baby pretty much the whole visit, feed the baby and all, just not changing diapers. Once he goes to his parent facility you can always call and speak with them regarding their policy on your husband holding your son, most facilities will be upfront and let you know.

Congratulations on the new addition to your family, I'm so sorry to see that you have to go thru this IDOC journey at such a joyous time in both of your lives. I applaud you for wanting to make sure your husband is in your son's life, you are very correct when you said if you don't keep your child from becoming a statistic who will, I feel the same way. My husband went to prison when his son was 3 and his daughter was 2, he had not seen either one of them since they were 1 yr old. I made it my business to contact the mother's early in his sentence so that they could see their dad. I have been getting his son on a regular basis for the last 6 yrs...in the beginning driving over 12 hours roundtrip once or twice a month...and making sure they talk by phone on a regular basis just to ensure he knows his dad. My husband cried the first time he heard his son's voice 6 yrs ago, he was 4 at time. I'm still working on his daughter's mom, that one is a bit different situation.

 The visits, calls, letters, and pictures bring the guys so much joy and keeps them mentally on the outside with us, not in there with all that they have to deal with on a daily basis. Your husband having you and your son in his corner thru this journey is exactly what he needs to make his time fly by and be easier for you all. Happy trails to you, you found a great support system here on IPT to help you thru this time!!

Thank you so much...this helps me know for certain that I'm doing the right thing for not only my husband Hut my son as well.